Taking it day by day

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Its getting harder

I don't know if its finally starting to sink in but I've been having a hard time lately. I miss Peyton so much I can hardly breathe. I see his face when I close my eyes and I just want him here with me. His permanent grave marker was finally installed and it seems to make it more real that my little boy is gone. I see that stone and its like wow its real. It hurts so bad. I have been having alot of anxiety lately. I just hope I can keep his memory alive. It hurts whenever someone says "Do you have any children?" and my reply is always yes but he has passed away. I always get the same I'm sorry and I say its fine but its really not fine. It hurts so bad. Its supposed to be the child burying the parent not the other way around. I miss my sweet boy. I miss his smell, his smile, and even his cry. What I would give just to have him in my arms again. I miss him so. I have never loved anyone so much. Please keep me in your prayers for I am weak. Thanks.