Thursday, January 15, 2009
Its getting harder
I don't know if its finally starting to sink in but I've been having a hard time lately. I miss Peyton so much I can hardly breathe. I see his face when I close my eyes and I just want him here with me. His permanent grave marker was finally installed and it seems to make it more real that my little boy is gone. I see that stone and its like wow its real. It hurts so bad. I have been having alot of anxiety lately. I just hope I can keep his memory alive. It hurts whenever someone says "Do you have any children?" and my reply is always yes but he has passed away. I always get the same I'm sorry and I say its fine but its really not fine. It hurts so bad. Its supposed to be the child burying the parent not the other way around. I miss my sweet boy. I miss his smell, his smile, and even his cry. What I would give just to have him in my arms again. I miss him so. I have never loved anyone so much. Please keep me in your prayers for I am weak. Thanks.
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3 comments:
I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. My prayers are always with you. I too say yes I have children but they have all passed away and I too get the I'm sorry spill and again I say it's ok. Really I just say that to keep others from feeling uncomfortable. Sure I'm at peace right now with it but I still miss them. And no it's not ok, I still want them here. Feel free to email me anytime if you want to talkk or just need someone to listen.
(((((HUGS)))))
Rachel
I want you to remember that Peyton was here on earth and you can never wipe that memory away and that he belonged to you and you were specially chosen as his mommy.
Talk about him, ask others to talk about him, remember him for he is your son.
You know have a guardian angel to watch and protect you. I pray for comfort and strength for you this weak.
Love your Godly sister
I am so sorry. I can't even begin to know your pain. Big hugs.
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