Monday, January 26, 2009

Taking it day by day

Some days are easier than others. At times I wonder how I am supposed to even get up but then I realize my sweet Peyton wouldn't want me to give up. He never gave up even when it was hard.It truly keeps me going. I am so proud that I can call him my son. God blessed me so much by allowing me to see what it was like to have a miracle happen to you. I know some people are like "how is he a miracle when he died"?, but he took a breath, cried, and I was only 7 weeks pregnant when he was born. God is truly awesome. He knew I needed at least a small amount of time with him. I thank God that he showed me what unconditional love is. He showed me what its like to be completely selfless and to not take life for granted. My sweet Peyt's memorial marker is finally up and is so beautiful. Just pray that God gives me strength to heal as some days aren't quite so easy to feel like this. Thanks.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Its getting harder

I don't know if its finally starting to sink in but I've been having a hard time lately. I miss Peyton so much I can hardly breathe. I see his face when I close my eyes and I just want him here with me. His permanent grave marker was finally installed and it seems to make it more real that my little boy is gone. I see that stone and its like wow its real. It hurts so bad. I have been having alot of anxiety lately. I just hope I can keep his memory alive. It hurts whenever someone says "Do you have any children?" and my reply is always yes but he has passed away. I always get the same I'm sorry and I say its fine but its really not fine. It hurts so bad. Its supposed to be the child burying the parent not the other way around. I miss my sweet boy. I miss his smell, his smile, and even his cry. What I would give just to have him in my arms again. I miss him so. I have never loved anyone so much. Please keep me in your prayers for I am weak. Thanks.