Monday, December 8, 2008
4 Months Today
Well the title says it all. Its been 4 months today since we said goodbye to our dear sweet boy. My heart is breaking as it feels fresh everytime the 8th of the month rolls around. I think well at this time x months ago we were kissing his precious face, etc. I hate the feeling of emptiness. Everyne is like just pray harder but sometimes try as I may nothing helps that pain. I do believe God is with me and he gets me through this without completely losing it. Without him I would not get through the day to day things. As a parent I long to hold my baby in my arms. I want to sing to him again, change his diaper, and tell him what a sweet, strong boy he is. Of course, the holidays are making the pain alot more raw. Everyone says what they can to try to help but sometimes they aren't sure what to say. I miss him so much and it hurts so bad. I want to be holding my baby telling him about Christmas. I know he gets to spend it with the one who was born on Christmas and died for our sins, but I am selfish and just want him here. Whenever someone complains cause their baby kept them up all night I just want to say cherish those moments. They can be taken away in an instant. Sorry this is so on the sad side, but thats how I feel today.
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3 comments:
Sorry you are feeling so sad. I have you in my continued prayers. I know this is hard and nothing I say will change that. But know I'm here grieving right along with you and I'm always here to talk if you need someone.
Rachel
Your grief and pain is so raw. It is all so heavy, I remember. You don't need to pray harder. God knows your heart, he knows you are exhausted by your grief. He loves you. Just be gentle on yourself and let yourself miss your son. It is your way of telling Peyton that you love him.
I will pray for you :)
Thinking of you in the lead up to Christmas.
Much Love
Carly x
I know this doesn't make it any easier, but you are not alone in your grief. I am going through all the same feelings you are. Reading your blog is like reading my own thoughts and emotions. I will pray for your family. I hope that God will give you strength and peace to make it through the holidays. ((Hug))
-Melissa
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